i wanna be like a tree

I just want to be a flame, lighted up and consumed by the all consuming fire of God. I do not want to spend my youth, to realize that all I have been feeling is the heat from other people’s flames.

The 2nd night session on coming back for your first love left most impact on me. Previously I listened to another sermon by Pastor Prince, it was about the heart of God. It compared Mary and Martha, and it focused on the love of Mary for her Savior Jesus. Mary loved Jesus so much, that in John 20, 3 days after Jesus went up the cross, she went to the tomb where Jesus’ body laid.

 ¹¹ Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb ¹² and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

 ¹³ They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”

   “They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” ¹⁴ At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

In the face of angels, she was so distraught that she turned away from them, that was the extent of her love for Jesus that nothing else mattered to her. It tied similarly with 2nd night’s session. So many times we complicated things with our relationship with Jesus. We say Jesus how can this be how can you love me, I keep slipping and falling, I am insecure, I am unworthy, I am useless, I am a failure. I cannot live up to your standards anymore. But in utter fact there should be no confusion, you can just sit at the feet of Jesus and just rest in his presence and he thinks its the best thing you’re doing in the world.

I was praying, dear God, please I want to love like Mary did. I want to love so that God you respond the way Jesus responds to Mary. Mary’s emotions, Mary’s attitude towards Jesus moved him.

³² When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

 ³³ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ³⁴ “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

   “Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

 ³⁵ Jesus wept.

2nd night session was all about returning to the first love. The first time you get a warm, fuzzy feeling, when you feel like you suddenly got all the love you needed because that’s what it feels like to accept Jesus into your life. No other thoughts, no trying to live up to your own expectations, just believing that Jesus loves you and you love Jesus because he loved you first and therefore you love him.