i wanna be like a tree

Today’s Monday. I met with Dawn at NUS in the afternoon for lunch, we talked lots lots lots like old times. She is an inspiration. Then we found my textbook at 1/3 the price in Oz woohoo! It comes with a color atlas as well, what a find. Though I did not pray about the textbook search but I see it as another blessing from God. :)

Returned home, felt a little funny, so I went to take a nap but I could not sleep. Body was feeling weary so I was meditating Matthew 11:28. Hmm but still felt funny. Mum and dad came home. I took my temperature, 36.6. Not so bad. 10 minutes I took it again, 37.6. Running a slight fever! Sigh no wonder head felt so heavy and hands and feet so cold.

During dinner, I was imagining a conversation with God.

“God, please heal me.”

“I will, after dinner. Eat.”

“Okay, I have faith in You. No faith then no healing..is it? Anyway, I have faith that You will heal me.”

“Enjoy your family time now. Don’t worry.”

So I thought, I bet the doctor won’t know what to do but just prescribe paracetamol. So might as well trust God. After dinner, took my temperature again, got a shock: 38.1! Conversation continues..

“God, err I thought You will heal me?”

“Yes I will, after dinner. I didn’t specify how long after dinner. Wait. This is your desperate moment, I want you to depend on me. Learn to.”

“Oh ya, I thought about it earlier on this day right..? Err. Ok thank You for the fever then.”

I took 2 panadol pills and went to bed wrapped up and feeling really cold. But I just could not sleep though I closed my eyes for 1 hour plus. Then I started feeling really warm, and I came out of bed. Gugu told me that it was probably too early, go do something else. So I went downstairs to play the piano. Played through a book of Chinese worship songs for 40 minutes, felt really good. Imagining angels singing, imagining my dad and aunt listening and feeling something stir in their hearts, imagining all uncleanness being washed out of the house with the blood of Christ. Praising God. Good feeling. Will miss my piano dearly when I leave. 

“我要向高山举目，我的帮助从何来？我的帮助从造天地的 耶和华而来。”

Went back to take my temperature, thank you God, temperature is dropping. 37.6. Now to typing and doing some Microsoft Word stuff.

Ok I don’t know why I’m recording such a post but I just feel happy to imagine conversations with God. :-) Please pray my fever goes away if you see this, thank you. :-)

It suddenly hit me that my aunt and I have been talking a lot more these few week nights. Mostly she initiates the conversation, it’s about things that she did at work, her aching knee, packing stuff, ideas for Oz holidays, sleep early.. :) I think it’s real sweet of her, and I quite enjoy the conversations. I just hope that I will not undermine these conversations by turning to my computer, fb, email and the such. These times are few and it will be so much lesser when I leave, cus the computer illiterate her will not be able to master Skype (but I’d be really happy if she does!! have faith in her right? haha) and I will not be able to see her! :(

I also remember how she gave me really good advice in 2011. Like it came out of the blue, I didn’t even imagine she had it in her. But she did, she gave me long long advice on the matter that I was worrying about, and her care and concern for me was just tremendous. My heart was so grateful and filled that day.

I will treasure these moments while I can. Cus’ everything will probably be different when I return. I love my aunt.

..is packing day #1. I’ve emptied 5/6 of my wardrobe and I filled 3/4 of my luggage bag. But that’s all I packed, clothes. Many other things like rice cooker, laptop, shampoo, soap, vegetable sift, bedroom slippers, stationery, photos, books I haven’t put in yet. Wish I can transport my whole house over, like the scene in Up. Woosh, up up and away! And everything’s transported.

Oh well! That’s just fantasy.

Feeling sad because, I don’t know my paternal cousins well. And my maternal family’s not as close knit as before.

..I used to love CNY, but year after year I..dunno.

Inclination to pray. Sigh I’m so drained at the moment. God I promise I will pray to you before I sleep.

Matz, Das and dear Shanah.

Nice cool evening, their close knit family warmth and precious rare laughter from talkative Shanah.

The first to address the awkwardness felt in church- Matz

The first to bring us to places we’ve never ventured before- Das

The first baby I feel rather close to in church- Shanah

Thank you. Nice warm feeling inside, like I just drank a latte or something warm.

Feeling a little woozy, light headed, warm (flushed?), touched and yet heavy hearted.

K hello to all the new readers to this tumblr. I don’t post much, so don’t need to stalk me. Hahaha. Thank you especially for spending time tonight. Feeling good after the meal and small talk and Don Moen’s songs. Thank you more than I can express.

Hmm.. nowadays everyone I meet ask me two main questions 1) When are you leaving? 2) How are you feeling? I can answer the first but never the second. How am I feeling? I don’t know. I really don’t know. I always thought I could organize my thoughts but on this, I don’t know. It kind of frustrates me that I cannot fathom what I am feeling deep down inside, as if my feelings are hiding from me. Everything feels extremely surreal. It’s hard to think that 3.5 weeks later I will be away from everything familiar in Singapore. It’s hard to imagine a few months down the road and I would not have physically met my family or my best friend C or saw my grandma or my cell or YH Tiff and the rest. Everything has grown so familiar; cell, church, friends, kindergarten, home, MRT lines etc. But as time waits for no man, nor will these things stay constant. It will all change. How do I feel? I don’t know.

Sentimental maybe. Stressed too.

My only constant is God. Thank God for being who He is.

That I am already overseas. Internal mind stress. At the corner of my mind, somewhere unknown, I believe my mind keeps rethinking and forming it’s own situations and logical ways to tackle many situations. It’s so weird. Frequency of these dreams are increasing as countdown gets lower. The more I think, the more dreams I have, the more I think about the dreams, and it becomes a cycle?? Sigh.

I have too many things I haven’t done, too many people I haven’t met. Hasten girl.